1
00:00:04,220 --> 00:00:06,720
Why are there giant lollipops
all over the front yard?

2
00:00:06,920 --> 00:00:08,120
And why do they taste so bad?

3
00:00:08,320 --> 00:00:10,220
Because they're made out
of cardboard, mouth-breather.

4
00:00:10,220 --> 00:00:12,720
Hey! The world needs
more dreamers, Luke.

5
00:00:12,920 --> 00:00:14,120
Never stop licking things.

6
00:00:14,320 --> 00:00:17,520
I know it's lame, but after last year,
we promised the neighbours

7
00:00:17,520 --> 00:00:20,220
we would keep our decorations
more "family friendly".

8
00:00:20,220 --> 00:00:21,420
We can't even carve a pumpkin?

9
00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:22,920
The petition was very specific.

10
00:00:23,605 --> 00:00:25,825
Every Halloween,
we have the best house.

11
00:00:26,025 --> 00:00:28,525
Last year, I took things
to a whole new level.

12
00:00:28,725 --> 00:00:30,725
But, apparently, it was
too scary for some kids...

13
00:00:31,553 --> 00:00:32,603
And one adult.

14
00:00:34,786 --> 00:00:36,651
Trick-or-treat!

15
00:00:36,652 --> 00:00:38,572
Would you like some candy?

16
00:00:38,573 --> 00:00:39,952
Yeah!

17
00:00:39,953 --> 00:00:43,020
Or would you rather have this?

18
00:00:54,678 --> 00:00:56,143
Come on. You're fine.

19
00:00:57,253 --> 00:00:58,345
I don't care what anyone says.

20
00:00:58,346 --> 00:01:00,229
You did not give
that man a heart attack.

21
00:01:00,230 --> 00:01:00,945
Thank you.

22
00:01:00,946 --> 00:01:02,732
I mean, you're not even scary.

23
00:01:03,090 --> 00:01:04,229
Can I grab a little bit
of this candy

24
00:01:04,230 --> 00:01:05,305
for my open house tonight?

25
00:01:05,306 --> 00:01:06,604
Uh, yeah, sure, but...

26
00:01:06,605 --> 00:01:09,848
It's genius.
An open house on Halloween.

27
00:01:10,685 --> 00:01:11,824
Millions of bored parents

28
00:01:11,825 --> 00:01:14,451
just trying to keep their...
kids out of traffic.

29
00:01:14,452 --> 00:01:15,905
Now they can get away
from all that,

30
00:01:15,906 --> 00:01:17,630
and see a nice house.

31
00:01:17,631 --> 00:01:19,629
What do you mean,
I'm not even scary?

32
00:01:19,630 --> 00:01:22,631
I literally almost scared
the life out of a man.

33
00:01:22,632 --> 00:01:24,677
You literally scared
a little saliva

34
00:01:24,678 --> 00:01:25,931
and a little urine out of him.

35
00:01:25,932 --> 00:01:27,515
That happens to me
every time I see a monkey

36
00:01:27,516 --> 00:01:28,912
wearing people clothes.

37
00:01:28,913 --> 00:01:30,084
I was plenty scary.

38
00:01:30,085 --> 00:01:31,793
I used professional-grade makeup.

39
00:01:31,794 --> 00:01:34,789
That's the point, Claire.
It was overkill.

40
00:01:34,790 --> 00:01:36,472
You're the kind of person
who can be twice as scary

41
00:01:36,473 --> 00:01:38,932
without wearing any makeup.
Bye.

42
00:01:48,307 --> 00:01:51,807
Synced by YYeTs, corrected by gloriabg
www.addic7ed.com

43
00:01:52,578 --> 00:01:54,120
You remembered to pick up
the costumes, right?

44
00:01:54,121 --> 00:01:55,160
Yes, they're right over there.

45
00:01:55,161 --> 00:01:56,045
Very excited.

46
00:01:56,046 --> 00:01:57,821
Cam has lost a lot of weight--

47
00:01:57,822 --> 00:01:58,512
No.

48
00:01:58,513 --> 00:02:00,312
So we're throwing a Halloween party

49
00:02:00,313 --> 00:02:01,548
to debut the new him.

50
00:02:01,549 --> 00:02:03,543
I'll be dressed as a matador.

51
00:02:04,125 --> 00:02:05,385
Wh-what is it now, 30?

52
00:02:05,386 --> 00:02:07,618
- 32.4.
- Ah.

53
00:02:07,658 --> 00:02:09,091
So I've lost Lily.

54
00:02:10,296 --> 00:02:11,646
- Where is Lily?
- Hmm?

55
00:02:11,647 --> 00:02:12,976
- Do you-- you don't have her?
- No.

56
00:02:12,977 --> 00:02:15,140
- Why would I have her? I don't
have her in my pocket. - Cam?

57
00:02:15,141 --> 00:02:16,613
What about the tiara?

58
00:02:16,614 --> 00:02:17,554
Uh, we didn't buy one.

59
00:02:17,555 --> 00:02:19,077
You can just use
the one from last year.

60
00:02:19,078 --> 00:02:20,189
Are we poor?

61
00:02:20,190 --> 00:02:23,349
No, sweetheart, but
you don't need two tiaras.

62
00:02:23,350 --> 00:02:25,643
How 'bout next Halloween
you try a different costume?

63
00:02:25,644 --> 00:02:27,836
No. I have to be a princess.

64
00:02:27,837 --> 00:02:29,191
Every year? Why?

65
00:02:29,192 --> 00:02:31,083
Because my mom's a princess,

66
00:02:31,084 --> 00:02:33,071
just like you told me.

67
00:02:34,070 --> 00:02:36,068
Cam and I have always
known that someday,

68
00:02:36,069 --> 00:02:38,116
we were gonna have to have
the big talk with Lily

69
00:02:38,117 --> 00:02:40,367
about who her mom was.

70
00:02:40,789 --> 00:02:42,730
We--we were gonna
pick the right time

71
00:02:42,731 --> 00:02:44,570
and do it together,

72
00:02:44,571 --> 00:02:47,189
carefully following
an agreed-upon script.

73
00:02:48,651 --> 00:02:50,261
Then I got tired.

74
00:02:50,652 --> 00:02:52,524
"And she was the most
beautiful princess

75
00:02:52,525 --> 00:02:55,959
in all the land. The end."

76
00:02:56,270 --> 00:02:57,591
Again.

77
00:02:58,110 --> 00:03:01,240
Why is Tyler's mommy so fat?

78
00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:05,176
Oh, that's because she has--
she has a baby in her belly.

79
00:03:05,177 --> 00:03:06,387
Okay? Good night.

80
00:03:06,521 --> 00:03:09,890
Was I in my mom's belly?

81
00:03:10,041 --> 00:03:11,435
Lily, no more questions, all right?

82
00:03:11,436 --> 00:03:12,857
Just-- just go to sleep.

83
00:03:13,266 --> 00:03:15,371
Where's my mom now?

84
00:03:15,714 --> 00:03:17,515
Um, she's...

85
00:03:17,825 --> 00:03:19,962
In a faraway land.

86
00:03:20,372 --> 00:03:21,628
Why?

87
00:03:21,729 --> 00:03:24,353
Because she's a princess.

88
00:03:24,354 --> 00:03:27,562
And she's... very, very busy.

89
00:03:28,689 --> 00:03:30,140
Okay.

90
00:03:30,465 --> 00:03:32,339
I thought that she'd forget
about it by the next morning.

91
00:03:32,340 --> 00:03:33,967
I mean, I did.

92
00:03:34,437 --> 00:03:36,029
Oh, I knew I was
gonna have to tell Cam,

93
00:03:36,030 --> 00:03:37,322
and he was gonna be furious,

94
00:03:37,323 --> 00:03:39,860
but I was hoping that
he'd see the bigger issue.

95
00:03:40,026 --> 00:03:43,188
You know, I was really tired.

96
00:03:44,329 --> 00:03:45,896
Hey, Cam, you know
this whole thing

97
00:03:45,897 --> 00:03:48,120
about Lily wanting
to be a princess again?

98
00:03:48,121 --> 00:03:49,880
Well, I-I think it might be
because I let her believe

99
00:03:49,881 --> 00:03:52,267
- her mother was--
- This is a nightmare.

100
00:03:52,268 --> 00:03:55,335
- It was just a mistake.
- More like a disaster.

101
00:03:55,485 --> 00:03:58,248
They sent the matador costume
in your size,

102
00:03:58,405 --> 00:04:00,296
and the bull costume in mine.

103
00:04:00,297 --> 00:04:01,688
Oh. I didn't notice. Um...

104
00:04:01,689 --> 00:04:03,277
Now no one's gonna see my bod

105
00:04:03,278 --> 00:04:05,396
in this bulky bull costume.

106
00:04:05,397 --> 00:04:07,177
It was-- it was honestly a mistake.

107
00:04:07,178 --> 00:04:09,526
L-listen, um, you--you could do
that other thing that you thought of.

108
00:04:09,527 --> 00:04:11,173
You could put on
that gorgeous white suit

109
00:04:11,174 --> 00:04:13,039
that fits you so well now,

110
00:04:13,222 --> 00:04:14,404
and you could be Mr. Roarke,

111
00:04:14,405 --> 00:04:15,957
and Lily could be your tattoo.

112
00:04:15,958 --> 00:04:18,180
No! I have to be a princess!

113
00:04:18,181 --> 00:04:19,992
Oh, but, Lily,
you were a princess last year.

114
00:04:19,993 --> 00:04:23,426
No! You promised!
I'm being a princess!

115
00:04:24,296 --> 00:04:26,963
Why is she so obsessed
with princesses?

116
00:04:26,992 --> 00:04:27,932
Well...

117
00:04:29,058 --> 00:04:30,832
Like we weren't at that age?

118
00:04:30,833 --> 00:04:31,851
I mean...

119
00:04:34,290 --> 00:04:35,520
I'm not mad about the ticket.

120
00:04:35,521 --> 00:04:37,240
It's just the first time
I couldn't charm my way

121
00:04:37,241 --> 00:04:38,639
out of one of these things.

122
00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:40,539
The way I see it,
it's not a ticket.

123
00:04:40,801 --> 00:04:42,204
It's a conversation.

124
00:04:42,528 --> 00:04:44,015
No offense.
You don't need that siren.

125
00:04:44,016 --> 00:04:46,527
You could stop traffic just
getting out of that squad car.

126
00:04:46,528 --> 00:04:48,585
License and registration, please.

127
00:04:48,972 --> 00:04:50,104
I, uh...

128
00:04:50,957 --> 00:04:53,280
I'm no stranger
to the police academy myself.

129
00:04:53,281 --> 00:04:54,488
Seen all seven of them.

130
00:04:54,489 --> 00:04:56,409
Sir, no one's seen all seven.

131
00:04:56,410 --> 00:04:58,483
- Is this information accurate?
- Yeah.

132
00:04:58,507 --> 00:05:00,165
Uh, except for the weight.

133
00:05:00,166 --> 00:05:02,819
I thought they wanted to know
how much I could curl.

134
00:05:03,939 --> 00:05:05,876
I must be getting rusty
with my moves.

135
00:05:05,877 --> 00:05:07,044
Moves? What moves?

136
00:05:07,045 --> 00:05:08,557
You know, flash the baby blues,

137
00:05:08,558 --> 00:05:10,263
hit 'em with the devilish grin.

138
00:05:10,333 --> 00:05:11,680
In case of emergency, break glass

139
00:05:11,681 --> 00:05:13,040
and bust out the dimple.

140
00:05:13,041 --> 00:05:15,363
Hey, isn't that one
from the smallpox?

141
00:05:15,364 --> 00:05:17,788
'Cause I'm 100. Chicken pox.

142
00:05:17,828 --> 00:05:18,927
And it doesn't matter
where it's from.

143
00:05:18,928 --> 00:05:20,394
It always worked.

144
00:05:20,685 --> 00:05:21,356
Hey, mom.

145
00:05:21,357 --> 00:05:23,616
Manny, why are you coming back
from school so late?

146
00:05:23,617 --> 00:05:25,032
I got sent to the principal's office.

147
00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:26,883
Oh. I am sending him
an angry e-mail,

148
00:05:26,884 --> 00:05:29,133
- because I don't like when--
- No, no, no. It's not his fault.

149
00:05:29,134 --> 00:05:31,213
- What did you do wrong?
- Nothing.

150
00:05:31,214 --> 00:05:32,658
Oh, that's it. I'm calling him.

151
00:05:32,659 --> 00:05:34,939
- I hate when he tries to--
- Nothing on purpose.

152
00:05:34,940 --> 00:05:37,792
It was between periods,
right before this big test.

153
00:05:37,793 --> 00:05:39,400
I was clearing my mind
by practicing

154
00:05:39,401 --> 00:05:40,924
some of my Gene Kelly dance moves.

155
00:05:40,925 --> 00:05:42,822
- As one does.
- Right.

156
00:05:43,011 --> 00:05:45,525
And my umbrella accidentally
snagged the fire alarm.

157
00:05:45,526 --> 00:05:46,880
The principal thought
I did it on purpose

158
00:05:46,881 --> 00:05:48,951
- so we'd miss the test.
- But you didn't!

159
00:05:48,952 --> 00:05:50,224
That's it!
I'm going to his house!

160
00:05:50,225 --> 00:05:52,360
Mom!
You gotta stop doing this.

161
00:05:52,361 --> 00:05:53,717
I'm not sure if it's the pregnancy,

162
00:05:53,718 --> 00:05:56,015
which we both know
isn't your fault...

163
00:05:58,118 --> 00:05:59,481
But lately you've been
such a hothead.

164
00:05:59,482 --> 00:06:02,291
I am not a hothead!
I am Colombian.

165
00:06:02,292 --> 00:06:03,302
We get excited.

166
00:06:03,303 --> 00:06:05,625
My country is covered in coffee.

167
00:06:05,626 --> 00:06:07,809
Just like the Starbucks girl when
she got your order wrong?

168
00:06:07,810 --> 00:06:09,845
Half-caf, non-fat wet soy latte.

169
00:06:09,846 --> 00:06:12,111
How hard is that to hear?!

170
00:06:20,850 --> 00:06:22,488
You don't get to be
2-time nonconsecutive

171
00:06:22,489 --> 00:06:25,252
district salesman of the year
without thinking inside the box.

172
00:06:25,253 --> 00:06:27,760
That's right.
I said "inside."

173
00:06:27,956 --> 00:06:28,980
You know why?
'Cause while everyone's

174
00:06:28,981 --> 00:06:30,866
chasing each other around
outside the box,

175
00:06:30,867 --> 00:06:32,445
you know what the box is?

176
00:06:33,715 --> 00:06:34,781
Empty.

177
00:06:35,603 --> 00:06:38,596
Which brings us back
to our formal dining room.

178
00:06:38,597 --> 00:06:39,964
Now any questions?

179
00:06:39,965 --> 00:06:41,637
Can we have our candy now?

180
00:06:41,638 --> 00:06:42,709
Just as soon as we go over

181
00:06:42,710 --> 00:06:44,400
what you're gonna
tell your parents.

182
00:06:44,405 --> 00:06:47,740
- Now what was our style?
- Pre-war craftsman.

183
00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:49,624
Good, good.
And how many square feet?

184
00:06:49,625 --> 00:06:52,468
3,500.

185
00:06:53,625 --> 00:06:55,248
Still no trick-or-treaters?

186
00:06:55,249 --> 00:06:58,795
- Not yet. - Well, maybe people
are going out later this year.

187
00:06:58,929 --> 00:07:00,401
Well, the street's full of kids,

188
00:07:00,402 --> 00:07:03,275
but they're actively
detouring around our house.

189
00:07:03,809 --> 00:07:04,909
Move along.

190
00:07:12,419 --> 00:07:13,943
Who wants some candy?

191
00:07:13,944 --> 00:07:15,588
Plenty of name-brand...

192
00:07:15,589 --> 00:07:18,136
- Family-friendly candy right here.
- Oh! - It's a trap!

193
00:07:18,137 --> 00:07:20,911
No. I-- Ooh, how about you? Hey--

194
00:07:20,912 --> 00:07:22,408
You want some candy, right?
Come on,

195
00:07:22,409 --> 00:07:23,716
- have some candy!
- Mom! Mommy, she's got me!

196
00:07:23,717 --> 00:07:25,224
No, I don't-- I'm not trying--

197
00:07:25,225 --> 00:07:27,443
- My candy!
- Just leave it!

198
00:07:36,571 --> 00:07:39,554
Jay, you have to get ready
for Mitch and Cam's party.

199
00:07:39,555 --> 00:07:42,932
Gloria, does my skin
look looser to you?

200
00:07:42,933 --> 00:07:43,856
What?

201
00:07:43,925 --> 00:07:45,960
Maybe I should try some of that
fancy neck cream of yours.

202
00:07:45,961 --> 00:07:49,035
Don't you have some with specks
of diamonds in it or something?

203
00:07:49,456 --> 00:07:50,825
- Trick-or-treat.
- Trick-or-treat.

204
00:07:50,826 --> 00:07:52,899
You guys don't even have costumes.

205
00:07:53,113 --> 00:07:54,065
I'm a skeleton.

206
00:07:54,066 --> 00:07:55,308
And I'm--I'm a lemon.

207
00:07:55,309 --> 00:07:56,988
Aren't you too old
to be trick-or-treating?

208
00:07:56,989 --> 00:07:59,062
Aren't you too old
to be having a baby?

209
00:07:59,725 --> 00:08:01,790
Ah, you find that funny, lemon?

210
00:08:01,791 --> 00:08:03,300
Here's a better joke.

211
00:08:03,301 --> 00:08:05,488
Knock, knock. What's gone?

212
00:08:06,066 --> 00:08:08,076
Your candy!

213
00:08:10,994 --> 00:08:11,624
What was that?

214
00:08:11,625 --> 00:08:13,154
Some rude dummies,
that they think that they can--

215
00:08:13,155 --> 00:08:15,932
All right, listen.
Let's just calm down.

216
00:08:17,169 --> 00:08:18,052
Get ready for the party.

217
00:08:18,053 --> 00:08:19,564
Calm down what? Huh?

218
00:08:19,565 --> 00:08:21,495
You think I'm a hothead, like Manny?

219
00:08:21,496 --> 00:08:22,528
No!

220
00:08:22,885 --> 00:08:25,884
You can be emotional.
Volatile, maybe.

221
00:08:25,885 --> 00:08:28,119
Still, that's a far cry from--

222
00:08:28,176 --> 00:08:29,816
You put egg on my house,

223
00:08:29,817 --> 00:08:31,926
I kill what you love!

224
00:08:32,233 --> 00:08:33,709
Psycho.

225
00:08:34,553 --> 00:08:36,240
- Plush utility room?
- Yeah, right.

226
00:08:36,241 --> 00:08:37,880
I know a hall closet when I see one.

227
00:08:37,881 --> 00:08:39,359
And your dad never lies?

228
00:08:39,360 --> 00:08:40,092
What medical school

229
00:08:40,093 --> 00:08:42,027
did the great appliance doctor attend?

230
00:08:42,028 --> 00:08:44,332
- Hey, Delgado.
- Oh, no! Durkas!

231
00:08:44,333 --> 00:08:45,692
What I wouldn't give
for this umbrella to have

232
00:08:45,693 --> 00:08:46,780
Mary Poppins' powers.

233
00:08:46,781 --> 00:08:48,625
Oh, I pray he didn't hear that.

234
00:08:48,626 --> 00:08:49,820
Heard you pulled
the fire alarm today

235
00:08:49,821 --> 00:08:51,319
and got us out of that test.

236
00:08:51,518 --> 00:08:53,217
- Good job.
- Thanks, Mr. Durkas.

237
00:08:53,218 --> 00:08:55,691
You know what? You don't need
to call me that anymore.

238
00:08:55,824 --> 00:08:57,617
Anyway, we're all meeting
at the playground at 8:00

239
00:08:57,618 --> 00:08:59,130
and heading out,
if you want to join.

240
00:08:59,616 --> 00:09:00,917
You're totally going to that.

241
00:09:00,918 --> 00:09:02,700
Yeah, if you want
to ruin your reputation.

242
00:09:02,701 --> 00:09:04,404
You're finally gonna be in
with the cool kids.

243
00:09:04,405 --> 00:09:05,760
You need to talk
at the school assembly

244
00:09:05,761 --> 00:09:08,142
on Monday and apologize
to all the teachers.

245
00:09:08,143 --> 00:09:10,479
Teachers.
More like public sector parasites.

246
00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:13,828
- Be strong, Manny.
- Be smart. Adventures, parties.

247
00:09:13,829 --> 00:09:15,048
Juvie, heartache.

248
00:09:15,049 --> 00:09:15,780
Girls!

249
00:09:15,781 --> 00:09:17,313
But not the kind we want.

250
00:09:17,314 --> 00:09:18,923
They're all the kind we want.

251
00:09:19,026 --> 00:09:20,203
Mr. Dur--

252
00:09:20,546 --> 00:09:21,739
Conrad!

253
00:09:24,209 --> 00:09:26,620
Take one. I'm an egg donor.

254
00:09:27,568 --> 00:09:29,763
I love your costume, too, Cam.
Adora-bull.

255
00:09:29,764 --> 00:09:31,645
Oh, well, thank you.
It's all in fun.

256
00:09:31,646 --> 00:09:33,008
I half-wanted to wear
something tighter.

257
00:09:33,009 --> 00:09:34,797
- You know, I've been reducing.
- I can see.

258
00:09:34,798 --> 00:09:37,071
- Well, you say it like you can't.
- No, no, no. I totally can.

259
00:09:39,637 --> 00:09:41,134
Impressive, huh?

260
00:09:41,301 --> 00:09:43,247
Yeah. I'm--I'm gonna...

261
00:09:44,405 --> 00:09:45,615
- Hey, Cam.
- Mm?

262
00:09:45,726 --> 00:09:47,580
I'm hearing a rumor that
you keep flashing our guests.

263
00:09:47,581 --> 00:09:49,193
Oh, well, not in a perverted way.

264
00:09:49,194 --> 00:09:50,737
I just want people to see my body

265
00:09:50,738 --> 00:09:52,392
under this stupid costume.

266
00:09:52,393 --> 00:09:54,346
That's very close
to what actual flashers say.

267
00:09:54,347 --> 00:09:55,880
- Daddy?
- Yeah, one second, honey.

268
00:09:55,881 --> 00:09:57,116
I'm just tired
of throwing out compliments

269
00:09:57,117 --> 00:09:58,029
and not getting anything back.

270
00:09:58,030 --> 00:09:59,792
I told Roberto
his spray tan looked real.

271
00:09:59,793 --> 00:10:02,378
Look for yourself.
It's on two of our pillows and our cat.

272
00:10:02,379 --> 00:10:03,833
- Daddy.
- Yeah?

273
00:10:03,834 --> 00:10:06,432
Look it. It's my mommy. She came.

274
00:10:06,433 --> 00:10:08,740
Oh. Oh, no, honey,
that's not your mommy.

275
00:10:08,741 --> 00:10:11,813
- It's not? - No, no. That's
just one of daddy's friends.

276
00:10:11,814 --> 00:10:12,896
- What's going on?
- Oh, nothing.

277
00:10:12,897 --> 00:10:14,231
She just wants
one of these cupcakes.

278
00:10:14,232 --> 00:10:16,012
- But I already had-- 
- Oh, there you go, honey.

279
00:10:16,013 --> 00:10:18,231
Okay, off you go.
Mingle! Mingle!

280
00:10:21,949 --> 00:10:23,553
Looks like some people came by.

281
00:10:23,554 --> 00:10:25,192
Yeah. Oh, yeah, we had a few.

282
00:10:25,193 --> 00:10:26,437
I saw that.

283
00:10:28,457 --> 00:10:29,140
Hello?

284
00:10:29,141 --> 00:10:30,366
Hey, honey.

285
00:10:30,918 --> 00:10:32,751
Hi. How's your open house?

286
00:10:33,397 --> 00:10:35,100
Pretty empty, actually.

287
00:10:35,101 --> 00:10:37,607
I kind of just took it out
on a Harry Potter.

288
00:10:37,726 --> 00:10:38,844
Seriously, though, a Gryffindor

289
00:10:38,845 --> 00:10:40,524
letting his mom carry
his Quidditch broom?

290
00:10:40,525 --> 00:10:42,037
How Hufflepuff is that?

291
00:10:42,038 --> 00:10:43,551
It's pretty lonely here, too.

292
00:10:43,697 --> 00:10:45,347
We have been shunned
by the whole neighborhood.

293
00:10:45,348 --> 00:10:46,260
That's ridiculous.

294
00:10:46,261 --> 00:10:49,119
All over some mild
little gag you pulled?

295
00:10:49,749 --> 00:10:52,758
It was not mild.
There was an investig--

296
00:10:54,577 --> 00:10:56,123
Oh, I-I thought I heard someone.

297
00:10:56,124 --> 00:10:59,095
I guess it was just trees
tapping against the window.

298
00:10:59,476 --> 00:11:02,220
It's pretty creepy over here
in this rattly old house.

299
00:11:03,074 --> 00:11:05,124
Anyway, I'll probably
give it another 30 minutes,

300
00:11:05,125 --> 00:11:06,610
- then I'll see you at home.
- Okay.

301
00:11:06,611 --> 00:11:07,610
Bye.

302
00:11:08,930 --> 00:11:10,209
What are you laughing about?

303
00:11:10,210 --> 00:11:12,507
Oh, it's just your poor dad,
you know.

304
00:11:13,038 --> 00:11:14,791
Your poor, dumb dad.

305
00:11:24,573 --> 00:11:25,684
I'll fill you in at the staff meeting

306
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:29,103
after Keneally's done telling us
about his morning commute.

307
00:11:29,417 --> 00:11:31,830
That's hilarious!
You sound just like him.

308
00:11:31,831 --> 00:11:34,484
You are so doing that
at Christmas talent night.

309
00:11:34,485 --> 00:11:37,175
Dude, "rich girl," "Sara smile"...

310
00:11:37,176 --> 00:11:39,364
Then a "maneater" encore.

311
00:11:39,585 --> 00:11:41,827
It was scary how good they were.

312
00:11:41,906 --> 00:11:43,986
Close your eyes,
it could have been the real band.

313
00:11:44,473 --> 00:11:46,244
Yeah, he got lucky
in the football pool once,

314
00:11:46,245 --> 00:11:48,340
and now he wants
to double the stakes.

315
00:11:48,341 --> 00:11:50,672
Oh, I'm so scared!

316
00:11:51,109 --> 00:11:52,367
Right?

317
00:11:53,365 --> 00:11:55,119
Well, this night was a bust.

318
00:11:55,176 --> 00:11:57,215
Not a single person even...

319
00:11:58,921 --> 00:12:00,946
Or did I speak too soon?

320
00:12:01,561 --> 00:12:04,692
Was someone in the mood
to be a bad little ghoul?

321
00:12:05,176 --> 00:12:07,907
Oh, Connie, I didn't mean you.

322
00:12:07,961 --> 00:12:11,315
I'm-- hey, that's just--
that's just the divorce talking.

323
00:12:11,881 --> 00:12:13,107
Hang in there.

324
00:12:13,242 --> 00:12:14,339
Bye-bye.

325
00:12:25,789 --> 00:12:26,916
Well, someone decided to take a trip

326
00:12:26,917 --> 00:12:28,520
to fantasy island after all.

327
00:12:28,521 --> 00:12:30,179
Well, I'm tired of people
not noticing my new physique.

328
00:12:30,180 --> 00:12:31,456
If this doesn't work,
I'm breaking out the diaper

329
00:12:31,457 --> 00:12:33,048
and top hat and going
as baby new year! Hello.

330
00:12:33,049 --> 00:12:35,260
Oh, my God!

331
00:12:35,261 --> 00:12:37,700
John-John, is that you?

332
00:12:37,701 --> 00:12:39,933
- You look amazing.
- Thanks!

333
00:12:39,934 --> 00:12:42,016
That's what happens
when you lose 100 pounds.

334
00:12:42,017 --> 00:12:43,391
Oh, come on. What a--

335
00:12:43,392 --> 00:12:44,683
- Who wants to lift me?
- Me.

336
00:12:44,684 --> 00:12:47,186
- Come on.
- How could he have not called us?

337
00:12:47,187 --> 00:12:49,312
Oh, my God,
he's as light as a feather.

338
00:12:49,329 --> 00:12:50,856
You know what?
I'm gonna go lift him

339
00:12:50,857 --> 00:12:53,335
- and shake him till his staples pop.
- Cam, stop!

340
00:12:53,336 --> 00:12:55,420
Just saying that we could
have caught those kids.

341
00:12:55,421 --> 00:12:57,224
What, and chase them
around all night?

342
00:12:57,225 --> 00:13:00,580
I'm not a young man anymore,
as the world keeps pointing out.

343
00:13:00,581 --> 00:13:02,105
What did that waiter
just call you outside?

344
00:13:02,106 --> 00:13:03,827
Medieval knievel.

345
00:13:04,018 --> 00:13:05,381
That is hilarious.

346
00:13:05,382 --> 00:13:07,228
I love when people put
some thought into their outfit.

347
00:13:07,229 --> 00:13:09,152
Illegal alien, sugar daddy.

348
00:13:09,153 --> 00:13:10,487
Why do you say "illegal"?

349
00:13:10,488 --> 00:13:12,136
Because antennas are alien,
and you're--

350
00:13:12,137 --> 00:13:13,653
What? Illegal?

351
00:13:13,654 --> 00:13:15,711
Because of the color of my skin?

352
00:13:15,712 --> 00:13:18,576
Why don't I dump
your baby in your gas tank?

353
00:13:18,577 --> 00:13:20,503
Gloria!
Uh, no hard feelings, please.

354
00:13:20,504 --> 00:13:22,179
Just enjoy the party, okay?

355
00:13:23,129 --> 00:13:24,741
First of all, relax.
We're at a party.

356
00:13:24,742 --> 00:13:27,068
Secondly, you've been deported twice.

357
00:13:27,069 --> 00:13:29,495
You're not allowed
to be that defensive.

358
00:13:29,597 --> 00:13:31,404
What is it with me lately?

359
00:13:31,405 --> 00:13:33,304
Manny's right.
I'm such a hothead.

360
00:13:33,305 --> 00:13:35,283
It happens. You're pregnant.

361
00:13:36,073 --> 00:13:37,794
That's what it is, isn't it?

362
00:13:37,865 --> 00:13:41,324
It's the baby.
It's angry in there.

363
00:13:41,325 --> 00:13:42,606
- No!
- Yes!

364
00:13:42,607 --> 00:13:45,956
You just said it yourself.
I have changed.

365
00:13:45,957 --> 00:13:48,792
I have an angry baby inside of me
making me do bad things!

366
00:13:48,793 --> 00:13:50,540
It's just hormones.

367
00:13:50,541 --> 00:13:52,244
It's your mama bear
instinct kicking in.

368
00:13:52,245 --> 00:13:54,172
And that's a good thing,
because that means

369
00:13:54,173 --> 00:13:56,952
you're gonna be
a great mom--again.

370
00:13:58,493 --> 00:13:59,472
Do you really think so?

371
00:13:59,473 --> 00:14:00,916
You got a lucky little kid in there.

372
00:14:00,917 --> 00:14:04,095
He's got a mom who's not gonna
let anyone harm him.

373
00:14:04,325 --> 00:14:05,407
Or her.

374
00:14:06,309 --> 00:14:07,511
Or--or him.

375
00:14:07,512 --> 00:14:08,986
- Trick-or-treat.
- Trick-or-treat.

376
00:14:13,697 --> 00:14:14,763
Go ahead.

377
00:14:14,977 --> 00:14:16,444
You better run!

378
00:14:19,121 --> 00:14:19,649
Oh, my gosh,

379
00:14:19,650 --> 00:14:21,532
is that the most precious thing
you've ever seen?

380
00:14:21,533 --> 00:14:22,839
Oh, my God.

381
00:14:23,565 --> 00:14:25,676
Do you know other princesses?

382
00:14:25,677 --> 00:14:27,072
Trust me. I know lots.

383
00:14:27,073 --> 00:14:28,229
Okay. Bedtime.

384
00:14:28,230 --> 00:14:29,656
Oh, no, it's not that late.

385
00:14:29,657 --> 00:14:32,406
Do you know my mom?
She's a princess.

386
00:14:32,407 --> 00:14:33,320
She's exhausted.

387
00:14:33,321 --> 00:14:35,160
She's not making sense.
She's so tired.

388
00:14:35,161 --> 00:14:36,712
Daddy, you told me!

389
00:14:36,713 --> 00:14:38,244
What is she talking about, Mitchell?

390
00:14:38,245 --> 00:14:40,549
My real mom. She is, right?

391
00:14:40,550 --> 00:14:42,911
Okay, I think we need
to have a little talk.

392
00:14:43,308 --> 00:14:45,369
Sam, do you notice
how slim Cam's getting?

393
00:14:45,370 --> 00:14:47,716
Nice try.
I will be back for that answer.

394
00:14:52,009 --> 00:14:53,603
This isn't gonna work, Claire...

395
00:14:54,537 --> 00:14:55,891
'Cause I know you're here.

396
00:14:58,265 --> 00:14:59,971
What's the plan, anyway?

397
00:15:00,441 --> 00:15:02,019
You gonna pop out at me?

398
00:15:02,393 --> 00:15:03,964
It's gonna take more
than that to scare this--

399
00:15:03,965 --> 00:15:05,592
- Hello?!
- Hi!

400
00:15:05,724 --> 00:15:09,597
- Is the house still open?
- Oh, yes! Yes! I'll be right down.

401
00:15:09,598 --> 00:15:11,592
Claire, this is serious!
I have a job!

402
00:15:11,934 --> 00:15:13,529
Not that you don't.
You work 24/7

403
00:15:13,530 --> 00:15:15,259
and you don't get
half the appreciation you deserve.

404
00:15:15,260 --> 00:15:16,757
Can we talk about this later?

405
00:15:17,034 --> 00:15:19,196
As you potential buyers can see,

406
00:15:19,197 --> 00:15:21,593
this is a, uh, a beautiful home.

407
00:15:21,594 --> 00:15:23,518
- What's behind here?
- Oh, I wouldn't go in there!

408
00:15:24,292 --> 00:15:27,535
Unless you love
formal dining rooms.

409
00:15:28,601 --> 00:15:30,232
- Honey, look at this.
- I'm in the kitchen.

410
00:15:30,233 --> 00:15:32,594
Oh, we should probably 
stay together.

411
00:15:32,785 --> 00:15:33,915
Come on, Sheila.

412
00:15:34,557 --> 00:15:35,865
- Phil, one question. Are these--
- Wait, wait.

413
00:15:35,866 --> 00:15:37,684
I just love to see
people's reactions

414
00:15:37,685 --> 00:15:38,724
when I show them--

415
00:15:38,725 --> 00:15:41,583
so much storage.
What? It's crazy!

416
00:15:42,085 --> 00:15:43,562
I think you guys will
find that this house

417
00:15:43,563 --> 00:15:47,013
is full of so many...
delightful surprises

418
00:15:47,014 --> 00:15:48,436
that you'll be happy here for--

419
00:15:48,437 --> 00:15:50,415
- Oh, my God!
- I don't know her!

420
00:15:50,565 --> 00:15:52,024
Is this the original tub?

421
00:15:52,025 --> 00:15:54,154
What?
Yes, it is.

422
00:15:54,155 --> 00:15:55,805
It is, uh, the original tub.

423
00:15:55,806 --> 00:15:58,094
Um, original fixtures,
beveled mirror,

424
00:15:58,095 --> 00:15:59,796
just a-a huge stall shower

425
00:15:59,797 --> 00:16:01,968
if you guys would, uh,
want to have a party.

426
00:16:01,969 --> 00:16:03,179
I'm kidding, of course.

427
00:16:03,180 --> 00:16:06,727
But, um, just a house
with a real personality.

428
00:16:09,789 --> 00:16:11,319
We'll be right in, sweetie.

429
00:16:11,561 --> 00:16:13,440
We agreed to tell Lily
about her mother together,

430
00:16:13,441 --> 00:16:14,639
wearing calming earth tones,

431
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:16,504
and we agreed
to tell her the truth.

432
00:16:16,505 --> 00:16:18,597
I know, but haven't you ever
said something dumb to Lily

433
00:16:18,598 --> 00:16:20,013
that you wish
she would just forget?

434
00:16:20,014 --> 00:16:22,388
This isn't about me.
Let's just fix this.

435
00:16:22,389 --> 00:16:24,254
Okay, great.
Although...

436
00:16:24,998 --> 00:16:26,440
The way you agreed
so quickly makes me wonder

437
00:16:26,441 --> 00:16:28,038
what sort of things
you've told her.

438
00:16:28,039 --> 00:16:30,095
I may have told her
her fibs kills birds.

439
00:16:30,373 --> 00:16:32,639
Wow. We're coming back to that one.

440
00:16:33,926 --> 00:16:35,176
Oh, hi, princess.

441
00:16:35,177 --> 00:16:37,536
Hey, Lil.
Could we talk to you for a second?

442
00:16:37,537 --> 00:16:38,798
Am I in trouble?

443
00:16:38,799 --> 00:16:41,593
Oh, gosh, no.
Of course not, sweetie.

444
00:16:41,935 --> 00:16:44,568
Um... well, do you remember
how we used to tell you

445
00:16:44,569 --> 00:16:46,780
there was a heaven
for all the flowers that die?

446
00:16:46,781 --> 00:16:47,953
What do you mean, "used to"?

447
00:16:47,954 --> 00:16:49,779
Sorry, I let it slip.
We'll deal with it later.

448
00:16:49,780 --> 00:16:51,197
How much are you not telling me?

449
00:16:51,198 --> 00:16:53,321
Why are you talking like this?

450
00:16:53,322 --> 00:16:54,356
Daddies took a little side trip.

451
00:16:54,357 --> 00:16:57,412
- Sorry, sweetie.
- Um, so sometimes, uh,

452
00:16:57,413 --> 00:17:00,335
- we tell you things like that
to make you feel better. - Mm-hmm.

453
00:17:00,381 --> 00:17:03,149
And I might have done
the same thing

454
00:17:03,150 --> 00:17:05,768
when I told you that
your mom is a princess.

455
00:17:06,814 --> 00:17:09,574
So she's not?

456
00:17:10,109 --> 00:17:11,440
Well, you know what?

457
00:17:11,441 --> 00:17:13,322
- She might be.
- She might be.

458
00:17:13,442 --> 00:17:15,174
But we can't know for sure, honey,

459
00:17:15,175 --> 00:17:18,830
because... well,
we don't know where she is

460
00:17:18,831 --> 00:17:21,389
or... what she's doing.

461
00:17:21,390 --> 00:17:22,788
B-but what--
what we do know

462
00:17:22,789 --> 00:17:24,704
- is that she loved you very, very much...
- Mm-hmm.

463
00:17:24,705 --> 00:17:26,404
And she knew that she
couldn't take care of you,

464
00:17:26,405 --> 00:17:28,493
so she made sure that you went

465
00:17:28,494 --> 00:17:31,175
with the most loving family
she could find.

466
00:17:31,902 --> 00:17:34,588
And that's how the three of us
became a family.

467
00:17:34,589 --> 00:17:36,263
Does that make sense, sweetie?

468
00:17:37,283 --> 00:17:39,015
Do you have any questions for us?

469
00:17:39,053 --> 00:17:42,523
Why did you say
a fib and kill a bird?

470
00:17:45,329 --> 00:17:47,309
I noticed you walking
in with your wife earlier.

471
00:17:47,310 --> 00:17:48,232
She's stunning.

472
00:17:48,233 --> 00:17:49,753
You know my favorite part
of that compliment?

473
00:17:49,754 --> 00:17:50,818
You knew she was my wife.

474
00:17:50,819 --> 00:17:52,612
Half the world thinks
she's my daughter.

475
00:17:52,613 --> 00:17:55,140
Well, if you ask me,
she's a lucky girl.

476
00:17:55,141 --> 00:17:56,464
Bummer for me, though.

477
00:17:56,465 --> 00:17:58,800
Handsomest man in here,
and he's taken.

478
00:17:58,801 --> 00:18:00,732
I'll bet you do
all right with the boys.

479
00:18:01,826 --> 00:18:02,908
I do.

480
00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:04,885
It's the men I'm interested in.

481
00:18:04,886 --> 00:18:06,572
You just put it all right
out there, don't you?

482
00:18:06,573 --> 00:18:09,223
I always try to hold
a little something back.

483
00:18:10,790 --> 00:18:11,565
Oh, my gosh.

484
00:18:11,566 --> 00:18:13,472
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Leave him.

485
00:18:13,473 --> 00:18:16,589
- No, but you know that's a--
- I know. He needs this. - Okay.

486
00:18:16,590 --> 00:18:18,948
- It was great meeting you, Jay. 
- You, too, Sam.

487
00:18:18,949 --> 00:18:21,348
Wow! Looks like somebody
really likes you.

488
00:18:21,349 --> 00:18:22,936
What can I say? I still got it.

489
00:18:22,937 --> 00:18:24,952
I've been meaning to ask you--
have you lost some weight?

490
00:18:24,953 --> 00:18:27,416
- Because you look good.
- Wow, you have no idea

491
00:18:27,417 --> 00:18:29,020
what that means
to hear from you, Jay.

492
00:18:29,021 --> 00:18:30,647
Uh, turn it that way.

493
00:18:30,709 --> 00:18:32,495
I thought this might cheer you up.

494
00:18:32,693 --> 00:18:34,800
Da plane! Da plane!

495
00:18:34,942 --> 00:18:36,567
- Baby girl!
- Ohh!

496
00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:38,775
Look you! You even
taught her the catchphrase.

497
00:18:38,776 --> 00:18:41,092
Yeah. Jay, have you seen
my new tattoo?

498
00:18:41,093 --> 00:18:42,600
...Be in touch.
Well, thanks so much for coming.

499
00:18:42,601 --> 00:18:44,179
- Yeah. Thanks.
- Okay.

500
00:18:49,017 --> 00:18:51,955
Okay, Claire, they're gone.
You can come out now.

501
00:18:53,656 --> 00:18:54,740
Claire?

502
00:18:55,385 --> 00:18:57,759
Honey, I'm sorry I said
you weren't scary.

503
00:18:57,760 --> 00:18:59,363
It's been such a long day.

504
00:18:59,364 --> 00:19:01,182
Can we please just go home?

505
00:19:07,461 --> 00:19:10,304
All right.
I'm leaving without ya.

506
00:19:27,909 --> 00:19:31,904
So... this remote
you know how to use.

507
00:19:47,221 --> 00:19:47,772
Yes?

508
00:19:47,773 --> 00:19:49,191
Phil, where are you?

509
00:19:49,341 --> 00:19:51,639
Claire? Where are you?

510
00:19:51,773 --> 00:19:53,704
I came over to scare you,
 but then I heard you

511
00:19:53,705 --> 00:19:55,098
showing the house to that couple,

512
00:19:55,099 --> 00:19:56,724
so I got out of your way.

513
00:19:57,755 --> 00:19:58,668
Are you at home?

514
00:19:58,669 --> 00:20:00,631
Yeah.
I got here ten minutes ago.

515
00:20:00,718 --> 00:20:03,495
S-so... so you're saying...

516
00:20:04,045 --> 00:20:07,348
This call isn't coming
from inside the house?

517
00:20:07,349 --> 00:20:08,953
What are you talking about?
Just get home.

518
00:20:08,954 --> 00:20:10,424
The kids and I are hungry.

519
00:20:10,425 --> 00:20:11,694
Yeah, hurry up, dad.

520
00:20:11,695 --> 00:20:12,941
We miss you!

521
00:20:14,510 --> 00:20:15,991
Miss you, too, buddy.

522
00:20:53,429 --> 00:20:55,006
- Trick-or-treat!
- Aah!

523
00:20:58,116 --> 00:20:59,791
I wasn't really that scared.

524
00:21:03,382 --> 00:21:04,448
Okay.

525
00:21:12,061 --> 00:21:14,444
Hey, you never told me if
you hit those kids with that egg.

526
00:21:14,445 --> 00:21:15,584
They blended into the crowd,

527
00:21:15,585 --> 00:21:17,628
but there was a slow one with them.

528
00:21:17,629 --> 00:21:18,728
He couldn't run so fast,

529
00:21:18,729 --> 00:21:20,915
and I nailed him pretty good.

530
00:21:21,289 --> 00:21:23,620
I warned you.
Okay, Reuben.

531
00:21:23,621 --> 00:21:25,219
Where are your cool friends now?

532
00:21:25,220 --> 00:21:27,172
Not q-tipping your ear,
that's for sure.

533
00:21:27,173 --> 00:21:28,896
Okay, Reuben.

534
00:21:28,980 --> 00:21:30,819
This is why I never
hang out with cool kids.

535
00:21:30,820 --> 00:21:32,400
Yeah, you rejected them,

536
00:21:32,401 --> 00:21:33,444
shortly after you and your mom

537
00:21:33,445 --> 00:21:35,086
roller danced at the talent show.

538
00:21:35,087 --> 00:21:36,380
Oh... we were robbed.

539
00:21:36,381 --> 00:21:37,816
Couldn't have been
the song you picked.

540
00:21:37,817 --> 00:21:39,523
"Wing beneath my w--" ow!

541
00:21:39,723 --> 00:21:47,423
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